Three years and coping

It seems a little surreal and hard to believe that today marks three years since mom’s been gone; seems just like yesterday and an eternity at the same time. I received sweet texts this morning from my daughter-in-law and friend, and phone calls from my daughters. I’ll visit mom later today and go to minyan tonight even though I went last week for her yahrzeit, the anniversary of the day of death in the Jewish calendar.

I went back into my email correspondence with Ted, trying to find something. I often referred to Ted as “T.” in my writing, and came across L’s exquisite eulogy that so embodied the essence of mom.

During the heavy grieving period we all cope differently. For me, it was wearing mom’s clothes and using her nail polish on my toes so when I looked down at my feet it was like looking at hers. And today, I’m wearing one of her sweaters and a pair of sandals that I bought with her.

A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of mom or tell her how much I love her. As Ted so poignantly and elegantly told me as only he could, “nothing dies that is remembered.”

In that case, mom is very much alive in me … and always will be.


Giving Thanks

It was a wonderful Thanksgiving and my first to cook in three years since we usually go to a friend’s who was out-of-town this year. I forgot how much work it is and cooked from 7 a.m. until about 3! But it was well worth it. Everything was delish! I made homemade stuffing with challah bread (thank you J. for the recipe), green beans with toasted almond and shallots (thank you Williams-Sonoma), the usual sweet potato pie, yummy apple pies (Williams-Sonoma again), and of course, turkey.

Mom did great and used the walker with finesse. I think I’m going to have her discharged next weekend. My brother loved her new place.

It was the first time in 16 years my nephew and niece didn’t come down with my brother from NY. And as wild as it can sometimes get, we all missed them. But, we saw them when we were up for the NYC Marathon, so it wasn’t that bad, and they’ll be back next year.

We did have two extra house guests this year – D.’s boyfriend and “their” dog (a doxie, of course!), Rue aka Rutherford the Brave.

He and Charlie have been together a couple of times and they continue to get along fine. Had only one high-jinx episode when we left them one evening – with the garbage can out. Did I mention that Rue is a curious and spritely young fellow for his 11 years? Sorry, forgot to get photos of this. D.’s boyfriend is also not only a master builder of beautiful homes but also a master turkey carver! (see photo below for proof).

We also had extra guests at the girls’ annual birthday dinner that we celebrate over Thanksgiving since all the family is in and their actual birthday is the following week. J.’s girlfriend’s parents and sister were in from San Diego and joined us for a wonderful sushi dinner downtown.

And, BFF C., became a grandmother the day after Thanksgiving – second time in three months!. So, welcome to the world, Miss BSG!

At the end of the busy holiday weekend, I think we all felt like Charlie (see below).

Hope you enjoy the sights and can imagine the smells of Thanksgiving 2011!

Until next year…

Dove knows me like no other chocolate

Before describing my day, let me just say Dove chocolate amazingly knows what I need. After coming home from a somewhat harried day, I went into the freezer for a Dove dark chocolate. Frozen chocolate is the best if you haven’t tried it.

Inside each Dove wrapper is a message. The first message said:

How prophetic, I thought. Not only did the chocolate hit the spot but so did the message. So, I just had to have another and see if its message was equally prophetic. It was:

Wow! These chocolates know me! I decided to stop at two.

I laughed because both messages described my thoughts exactly. However, that  advice I will just have to put on hold for a bit.

Following a fun 35th anniversary lunch for the PR company I work at, we were given the rest of the day off. That meant running errands, checking mom’s new apartment and seeing mom after we had a confusing conversation this morning that left me frustrated. I still need to work on not letting certain things that can’t be helped get to me, as I had a couple of mini meltdowns this week. Naturally followed by feelings of guilt.

I found a new phone for mom with big numbers that will easier to use than her portable phone. Then I went to look at the new apartment’s remodel. I was previously cautioned by AL’s executive director that the walls didn’t exactly look white (which I requested) and when she checked with the painters they said they used “Divine White.”

Well, there is nothing divine about this white. Clearly, just because the word “white” is part of the color’s name doesn’t mean it is white. It was beige. So I stopped by her office and told her the walls need to be repainted. Now, with four days until mom moves in, the walls and trim need repainting…and fast!

I visited with mom, who was in great spirits, but seemed a little confused about what day it was, wanting to know where I was all day. I told her I worked in the morning and that it’s Friday, despite a  calendar hanging on her wall. She’s been getting her days mixed up  a bit lately.

When I got home, out of curiousity, I googled, “How many shades of white are there.” My wiki answer: “There are billions of different shades of white in the world although there are only 80 major ones.” Well, Divine White is not one of them in my book. However, according to a sample white color chart below, it sure is.

Now, it’s time to pack for a weekend jaunt to Vegas to watch C. & J. get married and try to relax a little before the frantics of next week: moving mom and preparing for Rosh Hashanah; I have 10 coming for lunch.

L’Shanah Tova!

Rocky Mountain High

What a difference a couple of days in cool mountain air and hiking such picturesque trails can make. Our time in Colorado was made that more enjoyable by spending time with BFFs J. and L.,  who we’ve been traveling with since 2006. Those memorable journeys have taken us on exciting white water rapids in Idaho and to Vermont & Maine, Asia, and Alaska. It was just heaven to be on the mountain trails, breathe in the clean air and take in such incredible beauty. Very therapeutic. What the heck am I doing in Texas!




Wasn’t totally disconnected with my mother. Naturally, I checked in regularly. In general, everything was fine, and glad that my son was able to come in from Dallas to spend Sunday with her and take her to dinner since dinner is not served om Sundays and I don’t like her eating alone. A small gesture that speaks volumes.

Mom has been discharged from home health and resumed her physical therapy workouts in the gym yesterday. She is a happy camper and sounded good on the phone. She even told me what a good day she had. What she wasn’t happy about is continuing to have someone come up in the morning and evening for pill management. I told her we’d talk about it this weekend (when I mention the opening in Assisted Living). That may or may not be pleasant but something that must be addressed. My speech therapist daughter recited the “riot act” to me about mom’s need to be in Assisted Living, despite her feeling better now.

I know. I know.