Three years and coping

It seems a little surreal and hard to believe that today marks three years since mom’s been gone; seems just like yesterday and an eternity at the same time. I received sweet texts this morning from my daughter-in-law and friend, and phone calls from my daughters. I’ll visit mom later today and go to minyan tonight even though I went last week for her yahrzeit, the anniversary of the day of death in the Jewish calendar.

I went back into my email correspondence with Ted, trying to find something. I often referred to Ted as “T.” in my writing, and came across L’s exquisite eulogy that so embodied the essence of mom.

During the heavy grieving period we all cope differently. For me, it was wearing mom’s clothes and using her nail polish on my toes so when I looked down at my feet it was like looking at hers. And today, I’m wearing one of her sweaters and a pair of sandals that I bought with her.

A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of mom or tell her how much I love her. As Ted so poignantly and elegantly told me as only he could, “nothing dies that is remembered.”

In that case, mom is very much alive in me … and always will be.


Rocky Mountain High

What a difference a couple of days in cool mountain air and hiking such picturesque trails can make. Our time in Colorado was made that more enjoyable by spending time with BFFs J. and L.,  who we’ve been traveling with since 2006. Those memorable journeys have taken us on exciting white water rapids in Idaho and to Vermont & Maine, Asia, and Alaska. It was just heaven to be on the mountain trails, breathe in the clean air and take in such incredible beauty. Very therapeutic. What the heck am I doing in Texas!




Wasn’t totally disconnected with my mother. Naturally, I checked in regularly. In general, everything was fine, and glad that my son was able to come in from Dallas to spend Sunday with her and take her to dinner since dinner is not served om Sundays and I don’t like her eating alone. A small gesture that speaks volumes.

Mom has been discharged from home health and resumed her physical therapy workouts in the gym yesterday. She is a happy camper and sounded good on the phone. She even told me what a good day she had. What she wasn’t happy about is continuing to have someone come up in the morning and evening for pill management. I told her we’d talk about it this weekend (when I mention the opening in Assisted Living). That may or may not be pleasant but something that must be addressed. My speech therapist daughter recited the “riot act” to me about mom’s need to be in Assisted Living, despite her feeling better now.

I know. I know.