One year ago today

Recently, I’ve been reading posts relating to mom’s rapid decline from last year that correspond to the current day’s date in 2013. I’m not sure why I’ve been doing this. Maybe to see where I was emotionally at that time.

According to the Jewish calendar, Feb. 10, 2012 – the day we lost mom – corresponds to 17 Shevat. This past Jan. 28 marked her yahrzeit  – the anniversary of her passing (still can’t say the “D” word) – which corresponds to 17 Shevat. –

At any rate, in reading last year’s post, I so vividly remember today, last year.



2 thoughts on “One year ago today

  1. Hi Jc,
    I picked up your link off Kathys Blog and landed on this page.
    Your post struck home because I do the same thing myself, on special days and anniversaries.

    She died in July 2011, a few months after an operation to replace a heart valve. A simple operation,not without some risks, but one that she needed doing to survive.
    The stats were something like 6% of over 70’s will catch an infection, and of that 6% , 2% might progress to something more serious and terminal..sadly my Mum was one of those, and she caught a massive bone infection and died just over 4 months after having the operation, without ever having felt the benefit of her new valve and the new lease of life it was supposed to bring her.
    We went on holiday in July 2011, and because I was her primary carer,I had arranged for professionals to come in while we were away, brothers and sisters to come in over weekends, and people to generally look out for her until we got back and resumed out duites.

    She lasted 4 days before having a fall and going to hospital, a frail but outwardly ok old lady.
    10 days later she died as a result of this infection that no one knew she had.
    My family didn’t tell me for a week because she was so ok, but as time went on it, she got so much worse and became ovbious that she was fighting her last battle, so we came home.
    Sadly she died about 2 hours before we could get the plane, and I will never forgive myself for not being there when she really needed me, even though my brothers and sisters were heroic in their support for her.
    Sometimes I can read those posts calm and collected, and discuss that horrible time with my wife with no sadness, just regrets.
    At others I just have to start reading the first line, and all those memories come flashing back, along with all the emotions of love and loss that were there when I wrote them, as I struggle to contain my tears.

    I know from when my dad died that these emotional black holes will appear, and sometimes be overwhelming, but they do fade, and as time goes on, whilst not becoming easier, their loss and not being there becomes more accepted.

    Good luck with your memories, a year is only a short time, and thanks for writing about your Mum.
    with all my best wishes

    • Hi Nick. Thank you for your comments and for sharing your story. Wow, I am so sorry for your loss and the circumstances under which your mum passed away.
      I can tell you to not beat yourself up because you weren’t there at the end but this is something that we have to work out ourselves.

      I say this because for the longest time I blamed myself for my mom’s passing (I still can’t say the “D” word) because in late September 2011, my mom
      fell while I was getting the car and fractured her pelvis. This was two days after I moved her into the Assisted Living section of the senior housing she was living at. That fall was the beginning of the end for her despite her dementia worsening. A week’s stay in the hospital followed by nearly 2 months of rehab, followed by a short time in her apartment before having to go back into the hospital, rehab, etc. I would characterize my mom as a youthful 89 years old but these incidents plus damaging dementia took its toll on her fragile frame.

      I still go through the “what ifs” if she hadn’t fallen but her doctor assured me that her increasing dementia would have caused her to be placed in a nursing home and I dreaded that. My mom peacefully passed away after two weeks in a hospice facility. And thankfully, for the first week and a half, while she was still conscious although sleeping more and more, she always knew who we were. For that, I am eternally grateful.

      Thank you again for your comforting words and best to you with your memories.

      My best to you.


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