Tomorrow marks nine months since mom’s passing. I think I have slowly been receiving omens that it’s time for me to move on.
I have a tendency to latch on to things. I’m very sentimental and particularly so when these things belonged to mom.
First, the basket I used in the ladies room at the museum for D’s wedding went missing. No one can find it. It really wasn’t anything special except that it was mom’s.
Then I lost my keys a couple of weeks ago. I was using mom’s Eiffel Tower key chain since she moved here in 2007. I lost the keys/key chain because I had to separate it from my car key since I was turning in my leased car. I’m still looking for it.
I almost had the urge last week to go to mom’s favorite discount clothing store. This was the first time since last fall that the thought even crossed my mind but I still couldn’t do it.
I did indulge in a canister of one of mom’s favorite cookies that I’ve had for months since cleaning out her apartment. No, it wasn’t her beloved Pepperidge Farm Milanos but the brand’s Pirouttes rolled wafer cookies. I had eyed them for a while in the cabinet and I finally caved. And while eating one after another I could hear mom telling me to stop eating them.
As we come to mom’s unveiling the day after Thanksgiving, our first Thanksgiving without her, I think I’ve been getting signals that I need to move on. And I know I must, and I know I have come a long, long way in my grieving process, but…
It’s just so hard. I miss her so.