Dear Mom…

I know I have not written in oh so long but you are never far away. You are always so close in my heart and thoughts.

Well, we did it! D and S got married in a beautiful ceremony followed by an equally beautiful and fun reception. And wrapped around her bouquet was the lace handkerchief she selected from you. She made the most beautiful bride and your presence was felt.

I have something to admit though and I feel so awful about it. After talking to a relative the week of the wedding and she innocently mentioned how hard she knows it’s going to be for me to not have you there which caused me to get choked up, I had to tell her to not mention you or make any reference about you on D’s wedding day. While you are always there deep in my sub-conscious, I didn’t once think about you the entire day and feel so, so awful and guilty. It was only after everything was over and I had a chance to reflect did I realize this.

People explained and comforted me that I was so “in the moment,” that I was so focused on what was going on, that it was natural for me to be totally focused on those events, and that it in no way diminished my love and feelings for you. I have to believe that because I will then be plagued with guilt. I know you waited so long for one of your grandchildren to marry and for you to not physically be there broke my heart. But I know you were there spiritually.

D not only carried a piece of you but you were remembered and honored at the reception with a parting gift that D wanted to do. It was a beautiful silver box with two Milanos inside – your favorite cookie – and a message on the lid that said in honor of their wedding day and in loving memory of you, a donation has been made to the Alzheimer’s Association

I can think of no greater tribute to you. We miss you and love you so much.

 

 

 

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One thought on “Dear Mom…

  1. Congratulations. Do not feel any guilt. You were doing what your mom wanted you to do – enjoying the day and she was with you in spirit. I think the way your mom was honored at the wedding was wonderful. Take care.

    P.S. My mom held on to the dream that one day she would dance at her grandson’s wedding (he was 9 when she died). I know she will be there in spirit when he does marry one day.

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