This and That

Last night was my last grief counseling group session. I can’t say that I’ve experienced any life-changing epiphanies, rather, it’s given me a place to talk and express my feelings and cry. I must be doing better because last night only required one tissue. I’m glad I signed up for it.

I also had my first private session with Dr. R  last week since mom passed. There was so much territory to cover I was all over the place. An ever-present constant is that I just  miss my mother so much. And I can’t help but to continue to ponder the “what ifs” — if we waited a week to move her into Assisted Living she wouldn’t have fallen and my daughter’s upcoming wedding date — the same date that my mother fell last year — would not be ingrained as a reminder to me that it basically signaled the beginning of the end for her.

I still lack passion for anything. Nothing excites me. I just feel blah. However, I did go the museum yesterday during lunch to walk the space and size things up for D’s wedding. Much to my surprise it was the first time I actually got a little excited about it. The space caused me so much unnecessary angst. Not anyone else, just me. In the end, I know it will turn out beautiful.

And tonight I’m using the gift certificate I got mom for Mother’s Day last year for a facial. During the year we had to cancel appointments twice because she wasn’t up to it.

Just another reminder of how much I miss her.


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